The Power Of music

The way it makes us feel... On top of the world.

I may not be..

I may not be Close with All of my family, But at least I try. I recently Had some fallout's with my some family. The first being my cousin, Yeah I get it Sam our family is not perfect but is it really worth cutting all of your ties because of something you heard. In all reality our family could care less about who you date, what her age is or her skin color none of it matters. In the long run your going to need us even if you like it or not, That is what your family is for.  I am sorry for the things I said on the phone But that is my mother it comes natural. Just so you know I am still here for you.
Talk about a crappy night not even within an hour my sister calls to tell me that I am no longer in her or my 4 nephews and nieces lives. Oh also that I have no place in giving advice because I am 20 years old not married and living with a man.All because I gave some advice over Facebook about how fighting is never the answer. No I did not put my nephew down keep in mind the kid who he is wanting to fight is someone who put him in a neck brace In a different fight. coming from experience fighting back does nothing but escalate your problems with not only the person your fighting with but also the person your fighting withes friends and so on. Things will only escalate and you will lose a lot of friends. Being 14 everything so much more dramatic at that age.So back to the phone call. My sister being the person she is who strives off of complete utter chaos of course takes the conversation to yelling and screaming talk about being back in high school. After making her decision Or should I say making a decision for her kids to completely remove me from there lives. the phone call ends in "your 20 years old and living with a man". Ah this is where my blood boils but of course Dulce being Dulce hangs up. out of my anger I text her telling her she is very mature and that having a civilized conversation once in awhile give great turn outs. Her response was "leave my kids alone I will not allow anyone to tell my kids anything,lose my number my kids numbers.u r nothing to me or them" but of course I have to throw my last words in there I need to feel like I have some power after such a low blow I reply with. " When they are older and have no family left it will all be on you dear.have fun with that,best of luck". Yeah I shouldn't have said it but we all do things out of anger.What upsets me so much is that she is constantly removing family from her kids because of her own emotions. it's sad that not even there grandma can come to visit without a dramatic ordeal taking  place. Or that grandpa can't visit because it always becomes a fight with my dad and her. The constant remarks that I am stuck up because I live my life how I want to. If anyone in this whole thing has no right giving advice would be herself not only that you had your first child at what 15? without being married?! ha My point is think for your self and try and understand that family other then mom and dad and brother and sisters are a vital part of your children's life.

So when is it...

So when is it that we let go of our fears? let go of the what if way of thinking?
Why let go of them at all? instead use those way of thinking to move forward, realize what your fears are and you'll concur them, turn those what if into goals, into creativity into art!
Were human beings we let the responsibilities of life get in our way and turn to the "easy" way of life. Like Rob Diamond said "Never walk into a room like your walking on eggshells" ....to be continued

I know I never take to time to blog, But I've been inspired lately. So here I am, for the second time telling myself I really will keep up with this.We'll just see about that. The middle of March I will be going to Guatemala.I'm excited and scared all at once. I'll be gone for awhile and I'll be doing it all on my own. I'm hoping I will come back with my head screwed on right and start growing up, go to school and get a job. Maybe it will give me a sense of what I want to do with the rest of my life. I have ideas of what I would like to do, Get my Major in ASL Interpreting. From there I would like to get my RN. Also if i ever have time down the road I think it would be fun to get my certificate to be a nail technician, Just something fun to do on the side. That way I could run my own little business at home. That could bring in a little extra income. If it ever happens I'd love to be an actress, not the steadiest of jobs, but it's my passion. I love everything about it. So I think that is enough for now. Until next time.....

Lets get this Blog started!

That would be Jezabell staring into an empty parking lot going through thoughts in her head. This would be my first post obviously and I have had this blog for a while now but have yet to write anything.I have wanted to, Yet I am not one for words I love to talk( a lot) but when it comes to writing my mind goes blank and it can take me hours just to think of lyrics or poems.maybe writing about the things i do on a daily basis will get me more motivated and out of this slump I have put myself in.I am now finished with high school, how the hell I made it out of there is still unknown. I did make it and I worked my ass off to get there, I thank my mom for pushing me to get there. I went to lots of diffrent schools and every one was diffrent from the last.I have gone through every little mold, punk, prep, goth, to geek, to the odd one out and possibly everything else in between. I still change but i feel it's a human characteristic to constantly change so i feel just fine with that.There are a lot of things i want to grow up to be I would love to be an actress but who knows where the roads we take will lead us.I know where ever these roads take me i will be just fine.I am a tough girl.